Precious

To My Na, ~The One n Only~

Note : Sebelum Na membaca surat ini, Na harus makan dulu. Notification ini sungguh-sungguh. Karena saya tahu, Na pasti belum makan dan sibuk menangis sejak kemarin. Makan ya sayang.... biar sehat!

Did I help Na get well? Now all I can do just watching over you all along, from far away, without letting you know. Until today.

“What would have happened, if...“ might not be a very important question. But who actually knows what’s important and what’s not? I never did. There are things in this world people really care about. Especially future things. Na bilang saya tak punya cita-cita, mungkin karena saya takut semua harapan saya tak sempat terkabulkan. Masa depan itu terkadang terrified. Apakah besok saya masih hidup, apakah besok saya masih bisa bertemu Na lagi di RO, apakah besok, apakah besok, apakah besok.... Terrified, isn't it?. While everybody cares about the future. It’s just that… I won’t say that I don’t. I just don’t do a lot.

"Living in the past can be dangerous". I’ve started very early to listen to this inner warning. When I think back to the time when I was still alive, I want to be happy, and graceful. I don’t want to cry about the years we could have had together. Bersama Na, detik jam sangat cepat berlalu. Waktu terasa pendek sekali. Saya sadar, waktu begitu tidak terasa saat kebahagiaan bersama kita. Tiap hari bahagia, tertawa dan tersenyum.

There are so many joyful memories, turning them into sad ones would be a waste. A crime.

Met Na, I’ve learned the most important lessons of my life. I’ve learned what joy is, and what it means to laugh. I’ve learned to appreciate nature and human society. Pleasantness, kindness, tenderness. Warmth. Sunshine and night breeze. Colours, light and darkness. Praying and fasting. To meet people and to say goodbye to them again. The deep bond between everything, mind, soul and body, human and world, human and human, world and everything beyond, even God. I’ve learned to love. I’ve learned to live. Na had taught me these.

Na, consider it has done. My life has gone. Hidup itu bukan sekedar berharap mendapatkan apa yang saya inginkan, tapi juga apa yang telah diberikan pada saya. Jari saya tak cukup untuk menghitung berapa banyak kebahagiaan yang Na berikan pada saya, sama halnya dengan kebahagiaan yang tak saya sadari saya berikan pada Na. I was happy. I did happy. Saya pernah bahagia bersama Na.

So that's why I have never felt left alone. There were times when I thought I was lonely. There were times when I didn’t have anybody to help me with my problems. There were times I thought that Na's presence was too far for me. But I was never left completely to myself, never. Deep inside my heart, I always knew I had been loved. That I was still loved, and I am absolutely sure about this. There’s been so much love in my life, and Na's love will continue even after my death.

I'm glad I've met Na.

~Aditya Hendrawan, aChaa, ~[D4rK]~