Hopelessly Blissfull and Blind : These Eyes See

A/N : I wrote it in Sanchaka train, the way home from Jogja. And took several days to finished it. I was completely in limbo, couldn't even move my body from bed. So when the paper was running out, I wrote these on my mind only. Its not completely telling about myself, just... well, scratching here and there for spice is allowed, is it?
This isn't song fic, I'd just took the lyric to built the scene.

THESE EYES SEE

I don't mind where you come from
As long as you come to me
I don't like illusions I can't see
Them clearly
- "All The Same" by Sick Puppies

Looking out the window of my room, I sighed heavily while fiddling with the red hair band around my fingers. Out in the rain, I saw a flash of gold and almost leapt up in joy, but restrained myself like the many times before. It wasn't him. That flash probably wasn't even there. It would never return again, lest my sleep deprived mind willed it. I couldn't stand it anymore. It had been so long since I'd seen him, and the image was already starting to get fuzzy. The important light was slowly, but surely, fading from my memory...

I don't care no I wouldn't dare
To fix the twist in you
You've shown me eventually
What you'll do

I knew this was going to happen. By the Gods I didn't trust, I knew the boy would leave me. It was just like him. To show up out of nowhere after days of disappearing acts. He shows up when everything is in utter peril, slaps me in the hand and runs away... He didn't even look back. But it didn't faze me. And I wouldn't change that about him. I knew I wouldn't be able to anyway...

I don't mind...
I don't care...
As long as you're here

Tapping my eye with a cold, pale hand, I looked up to the rafters. "This eye sees it..." I whispered. "This eye remembers, dear..."

Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

I waited for the day that he would return from his years long escapade. This was the longest disappearing act the boy had committed... Yes, I hadn't given up hope. He was out there somewhere and when he finally got tired of running around, of causing the people who loved him dearly so much pain, he'd return with his heart curled around his sleeve. And they would forgive him, just like always. They knew he'd commit the act again. They'd take him for who he was, however. Because he always came back...

Always...

Hours slide and days go by
Till you decide to come
And in between it always seems too long
All of a sudden

As the days slip by, I wonder whether or not he really will return. Until the boy decides... He'd never know. Gods, it seemed so long since he had left. I was just waiting... Hoping for him to return.

And I have the skill, yeah I have the will
To breathe you in while I can
However long you stay
Is all that I am

But I had the will to wait. I would wait. I couldn't leave. Watch me leave and then he would arrive out of the blue, asking for me. And I wouldn't be there, like always. No, that was just my luck. I'd stay and he wouldn't return. He'd leave, and there he was again. Then again, I would always catch a glimps of him when that would happen and that would be enough. Enough time to shy away from the crowd congradulating his return. Enough time to steal a kiss or two and to watch that glowing smile grace my lover's face again. That always kept me sane until he was to return again.

I don't mind...
I don't care...
As long as you're here

Tapping the glass of the window with a cold, pale hand, he looked out into the snow. "Through this window, I see it..." I whispered. "These lands remember, dear..."

Go ahead tell me you'll leave again
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's always the same

Dear, when you return, oh, would I like to hold you in my arms. This time, I wouldn't care who sees it. I'd kiss you like I'd never had before and I'd whisper sweet-nothings like "I love you" into your ear. You've been gone for too long, and I wouldn't care what the others would say. They'd have to accept it. When you finally return, I know that you'll leave again. And again, and again, I'd just do it all over at your every return.

"Geez..." chuckled to myself. "I sound like some cheap soap opera..."

Wrong or right
Black or white
If I close my eyes
It's all the same
I closed his eyes...
In my life
The compromise
I close my eyes
It's all the same
And I held them tight...
Go ahead say it you're leaving
You'll just come back running
Holding your scarred heart in hand
It's all the same
And I'll take you for who you are
If you take me for everything
Do it all over again
It's all the same

Opening my eyes, I stared at the illusion before me. The figure was smiling, unshed tears in its black eyes. It was always the same... After thinking of the boy for so long, it was like he was really there.

"When you realize it?" The figure would always whisper and place a soft kiss to my eye. "What this eye sees is all you need..."


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Cheap talk

When I read alot of humanism novel, such as Andrea Hirata, I knew I can't write such masterpiece. The genre is different. I envy him so bad. Dan ketika seorang teman bilang, "Tulislah cerita dgn bahasa Indonesia" kemudian saya bilang "Saya cemburu dgn org2 yg pintar menulis dlm bhs Indonesia, karena jelas saya tak mampu melakukannya!!"